Airline Glossary! ;-)

[CyprusA320]

THE OFFICIAL AIRLINE GLOSSARY

 

ATC: A game played by pilots and air traffic controllers, neither knows how

the game is played, but it is always played to prevent flights from being on

time.

 

AGENT: A superhuman with the patience of a saint; the hearing ability of a

pack of pedigree Australian sheepdogs; the understanding of a psychoanalyst;

the extra sensory abilities of Uri Galler; the tact of Henry Kissinger;

mystical abilities to control wind, rain, snow and fog; with the ability to

answer six questions at the same time, out of one mouth without stuttering,

while talking of the phone. In later life, usually seen in bars or carrying

on a conversation with themselves in parks and restrooms.

 

BAGGAGE CLAIM: The most difficult area in the entire airport to locate. It

is usually hidden behind dozens of signs saying "Baggage Claim Area".

 

CARRY-ON-BAGGAGE: An item, usually of large dimensions, which somehow

managed to fit under the passenger's seat on the inbound flight, Regardless

of what the passenger says, the following items are not acceptable as

carry-on luggage....steamer trunks, refrigerators, motorcycles, console TV's

or ceiling fans.

 

FOG: A natural weather phenomenon which usually occurs around the airport,

while surrounding areas are clear. Fog is owned and operated by the

airlines and is used to delay or cancel flights.

 

FLIGHT SCHEDULE: An entertaining work of paperback fiction.

 

GATE ASSIGNMENTS: Title of a game played by airport employees: the answer

is supposed to change each time a passenger asks someone. Which, on average,

is never less then 5 times before they reach the gate.

 

GROUP: A large, loud, pack of passengers traveling together on one ticket.

The group leader, who has the ticket, usually waits in the bar until

departure or until there are no seats left together, whichever comes last.

 

NO PNR: A passenger booked by a travel agency.

 

ON TIME: Obscure term; meaning unknown.

 

PASSENGER: A herding creature of widely varying intelligence, usually found

in pairs or small groups. Sometimes known to become vicious and violent in

simple, easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused, creatures

collect into a group called a line. This line has no set pattern, and is

often formed in inconvenient places. Passengers are known as subspecies:

PAXUS LATUS; PAXUS IRATUS; PAXUS INEBRIATESUS; and PAXUS STUPIFI.

 

PRE-BOARD: A passenger who appears at the gate 2 minutes before schedule

departure.

 

SECURITY: An obstacle created for the amusement of the airlines with the

sole purpose of delaying and inconveniencing passengers.

 

SIGN: An airport decoration which usually goes unnoticed except by small

children.

 

SKYCAPS: Hired by the airlines to baby-sit passengers and give them false

information.

 

THIS POSITION CLOSED SIGN: A sign at the counter which when interpreted by

the passenger reads: "Form line here" or "We are open now".