Mal was zum Lachen: Aeroplane problem solving

[Alex330]

Hallo Freunde der Luftfahrt,

haltet Euch fest, bevor ihr das lest...

 

Viele Grüße

Alex

 

In the aeronautical world [civil that is] a squawk is an entry the pilot puts in the aircraft log book after a flight, for attention by the ground engineering

staff who must clear the entry by logging opposite the squawk, the action taken as a solution to the [alleged]problem.

 

Here are some interesting Qantas squawks and the action taken by the maintenance crews, where [P] = the problem logged by the pilot and = the Engineers'solution......

 

[P]. Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement

Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

 

[P] Test flight OK except auto-land very rough

Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

[P] #2 prop seeping prop fluid

#2 prop seepage normal. #1,#3, and #4 props lack normal seepage.

 

[P] Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

Evidence removed.

 

[P] DME volume unbelievably loud

Volume set to more believable level.

 

[P] Dead bugs on windshield

Live bugs still on order.

 

[P] In Altitude Hold Mode, autopilot produces 200 feet per minute descent

Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

[P] IFF inoperative

IFF always inoperative when in OFF mode.

 

[P] Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

That's what they're there for.

 

[P] Number three engine missing

Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

[P] Aircraft handles funny

Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious.

 

[P] Target radar hums

Reprogrammed target radar with the words.

 

[P] Radar won't lock on

Radar given a key of its very own.

 

[P] Something loose behind co-pilot's seat

Something tightened behind co-pilot's seat.

 

[P] Cabin Heating System makes cockpit like a sauna

Control reset from "max." to "Normal." Other equally complex adjustments are available.

[Gast]

Das ist echt prima! Man glaubt gar nicht, was so alles (und vor allen Dingen wie) ins TechLog geschrieben wird. Habe auch schon einige lustige Einträge gesehen. Persönlich halte ich mich da aber zurück, da manches dem LBA bei einer Überprüfung der TechLogs sicher nicht gefällt.

 

Wo hast Du das denn gefunden???

[Gast]

Selber gesehen:

 

[P] Copilot found flat spot on nosewheel, pleace replace either copilot or nosewheel.

[T] No part number found for copilot so we had to replace nosewheel.

 

Denti